Artists Block & Funky Frustration

ok it's been a while since I posted anything. My Bad. I've had my head to far.. well in too many directions. I've been trying to prepare for a class but can't get a grip on my subject. On top of that I have these pieces in my head that want out,trouble is when I opened the door to my mind they didn't fly out so easy and the piece I did looks horrible which just tells me I'm not supposed to be playing,I'm supposed to be working.

Tomorrow is my class and as of yet I have maybe a paragraphs worth of educational material to teach the kids. Soo here I am on the phone with Honey and I'm telling him I feel the need to FLEE. He says well you can go with me to..blah.blah.blah. NO! I tell him I have a headache (woke up with it),I am about to choke the oldest one with his guitar cord or hit him with a drum stick (and not the kind you eat with either). The middle one is now 45 minutes late from the Skatepark and everything I touch has turned to.. well it sure hasn't been Gold. I really want to go to the bookstore and get some fresh inspiration. I just hate that from where I live the closest one is about 40 miles- that is one way. I think I just have the "fever" as Honey calls it. I think I'm on testostorone overload. Too many He-men and only one me. Tonight is the Third Fridays Artwalk,but I think my antsy-ness would probably not do well surrounded by crowds. I wouldn't look good in Sheriff Joe pink. So I tell Honey I am frustrated to the point of tears which the guys know is never a good thing. They go into hiding and the world goes deathly quite,like after an earthquake. His solution is for me to take an ice cold shower letting the water rain down on my head.Then take two vicodins and lay down without any books,magazines,notebooks around me and just rest. My response? Can I wash them down with Vodka?

Creative Souls

The other side of My Siren Song

I've had another blog for a few words. I'm sorry to say I've neglected it and now I feel like a bad mother. Lately it's been haunting me with a little far away voice saying "why don't you post in me anymore" ,so I've decided to do double duty and link it with My Siren Song. They will stay different (hopefully) and maybe get interesting. I guess my Gemini side each want their own blogs to blog in. The other Blog is called Burnt Tortillas & other greasy fillings. It is more about my art and writing. I have 1 or 2 poems and some past pieces I've done. I just can't remember,all I know is that it's been some time since I've paid it any attention. Let me know what you think.

The Fairie Bush

Sunset in the Fairie bush

Some sweet mint from my garden and a little tidbit for the Fairies and Wee Folk . It seems, perhaps there was a bit of mischief at the tiny feast. Sweet spices have been blown around and the tiny cup is empty

Perhaps some sweetly spiced Milk to quench their thirst?


A warm Welcome and thank you to Vanessa and her magical Fairies

A comfy spot for the tired Fey cradled in the hands of a Fairie Bush

What are those sparkling things in the Fairie Bush? Could they be the ancient keys to a Fairie Camp?

The Fairies are coming!

Good morning Starshine the Earth says hello. I got an email from Vanessa at A Fanciful Twist and she said she was sending some Fairies my way to help work on getting my Creative Mojo back. Lucky for me they don't have to cross any states to get to me since we live about 60 miles apart. I shall go outside and leave the Wee Folk some sweet milk and bread to fill up on for their return flight. Do you think they'll mind if I have a cup of coffee first? I will surely share my finds with all of you. On another note,if you've never seen Vanessa's Blog please treat yourself to a visual feast. Her Gypsy Garden & Camp is to die for. Just think Johnny Depp in Chocolat' yummmmy!

La Luna y El Diablo

Have you ever been kissed by the Moon or had a late night conversation with the Devil?

I remember wandering around dreamland only to be awoken by a bright light. It was some time in the wee hours of the morning when mama moon was making her descent into the west. I tried to fall back asleep not knowing where the light was coming from. Mama Moon can be very persistent when she wants you to acknowledge her. Each time I closed my eyes the room seemed to grow brighter. When I gave up and looked out the window I discovered the source of the brightness that enveloped my room. Hanging there in my window was Mama Moon in a great fullness. To this day I swear she kissed me before sinking slowly in the darkness. I remember waking up the next morning and telling my mom that Mama Moon had kissed me good night. At this point she pretty much believed the things I had told her. She knew it wasn't my imagination,but part of the gifts handed down from my Nana's that had past before me.

Before telling you about my conversation with EL Diablo I must tell you this; I HATE to be woken up. Unless the house is a blaze or you've lost a limb just let me sleep! Ok, with that said I will continue on with my story. Super Sis who was about four at the time had broken her arm and therefore we had to switch beds. "What do you mean I have to sleep in the top bunk now??" The bunk bed was placed into a corner which had windows on each side. Outside one of the windows was a tree who's limbs reached far above the top of the windows. I remember reluctantly climbing up that top bunk to sleep in my sisters stinky bed.It was a baby's bed and therefore baby stinky. I was a BIG girl and wanted to sleep in my bottom big girl bed. I remember hearing a scratching noise and just brushed it off as the tree's limbs tapping against the window. Had I forgotten to tell Mr. Tree goodnight? Finally after a while and much irritation I opened my eyes to see El Diablo sitting in the tree looking in the window. He had a wide grin and I could tell he found it amusing that he woke me up from my wonderful slumber. I sat up all blurry eyed and I asked him what he wanted. He just laughed. I got mad and told him to go home because I wanted to sleep and he was bothering me. It worked because he left. I couldn't help but worry that Mr Tree was going to be mad if the Devil left burn marks on his limbs. In case you are wondering yes he looked just like he does in the picture. One thing that has stood out was that I wasn't afraid of him just irritated with him for waking me up.

Getting Home

I finally made it home Saturday morning. It was exactly 3:30 when I walked if not crawled into the house. I was supposed to have arrived at 11p.m. but the lead locomotive had other ideas. Somewhere in Colton it decided to lie down and sleep. It was two and a half hours before we got a borrowed locomotive and uh, got back on track (sorry I couldn't resist).

Originally I was only going to take the train one way and have Super Sister bring me back, but because of some scheduling conflicts (not to mention that I really needed to get my lesson plan together for my class) I ended up doing it round trip. I had intended to photo journal my trip to California but, unfortunately my camera wasn't game. I handed Honey my camera before I boarded seeing as there was no point in taking a camera that wasn't working. So, all this beautiful scenery was wasted. The backside view of Arizona, Salton Sea and the colorful graffiti and scenic Downtown Los Angeles were just memories.

When Super Sis and I decided I would take the train back, I thought I was being given a second chance at photo op's. Only to have the train die and it be pitch black outside when we got moving. Super Sis and my cousins wife said it was a sign that I should have stayed longer. Wasn't ten days of me enough?

I managed to take a few pictures just not all that I would have liked. Oh well there's always next time right?

Inspiration

I have been so uninspired for almost a year now and I don't know how to get the juices going again. Last April I had what was supposed to be a simple routine surgery that had gone horribly wrong. The Doctor severed an artery and I bled out so much that I needed a transfusion. I spent a week in NICU then went home for a week and ended up in the ER again having to have another surgery and spent another week in the hospital. When I left the hospital I had an open wound that took almost 3 months to close. I temporarily lost use of my left leg.I had to pick it up to move it. They brought in a Neurologist to see if they could help me walk again. My butt and legs had swelled up so badly,that Honey had to buy giant stretchy pants for me to wear home. I was miserable to say the least. Just this past December I had to have another surgery(the third in 9 months) to repair a softball sized hole that was a result of an infection from the first surgery. I have been out of work for almost a year now. At first I was happy to be able to stay home and create to my hearts content but it has yet to happen. I have gotten great ideas in the middle of the night,one of which was to make resin jewelry. Honey went out and bought me molds,resin and everything else to get started. I haven't even opened the resin. I wanted an Embroidery Machine that would digitize my own designs and for Christmas Honey bought me one. It is as if all my desire has vanished. I've seen shows and read articles about people that have had transplants and felt certain things about them change. I often wonder if that could happen with blood transfusions. I try to journal any and every idea I get in hopes that it will stir something inside me. I get depressed over the loss of my artistic mojo. It hasn't limited itself to just creating art but also in my desire to write. I wonder if anyone else has ever had this problem. I am open to any suggestions.

Cupid Draw back Your Bow

Happy Lover Day!
I can't believe I haven't posted in like 12 days. It was a long hard 12 days,but I didn't have Internet access at home and the time I spent sponging up grocery store Wi-fi was used checking e mail. Finally! I am back on line. "I promise Oh Internet Access Gods to never take you for granted again." I have pictures to post,but they are on the lap top and I am way too lazy to switch over. That's the bad thing about using both a Mac and a PC it's not always simple switching over.
I hope everyone was given some L-O-V-E today. I got a card and chocolate dipped Fortune Cookies (I'm a sucker for a Fortune Cookie and yes, I keep the fortunes) the best gift I got was the gift of time! Yep, good ole time. Even though the Cubs are well past the age of being tied to the apron strings Honey sometimes feels the need to drag them along when I want to do something.
This morning as I was doing the breakfast dishes a slight breeze wafted in and for a moment I felt like I was back home standing on the beach. sigh.
Where are the ruby red slippers when you need them? By the time I was done with dishes I knew I wanted to spend the day outside and NO, yard work wouldn't suffice. I remembered that Mesa Art Center has an Art walk every Saturday and it's free!
I hurried up the kitchen chores,went and got dolled up and begged Honey to get dressed and take me into Mesa. The Cubs all had something to do so he couldn't drag them along (thankfully). So I got to spend time with Honey doing something I like and that I know he's not a big fan of and never once did he complain. It was chilly and we walked arm and arm giggling away taking in the sights and sounds of downtown. To me that was the best gift, oh and he got my Internet access back too. I am a truly spoiled girl sometimes.

Happy Ground Hog Day.

Isn't it funny the things we suddenly remember from elementary school? This morning I remembered it was Ground Hog day. I asked Big Cub & Little Cub if they thought ol Phil had seen his shadow. They both looked at me like I was crazy. I mentioned it to a Lady at the store asking her if she knew and even she looked at me like I was crazy. Thank goodness for NPR or else I'd never sleep. After spending a week at Super Sister's place Worker-sitting and lounging in front of the idiot box watching DIY shows for hours on end I came home inspired to do something with this place. I hate when that happens. Champagne tastes on champiple budget! Today the Big Cub took me to a big box store and a new craft store looking for ideas that I could do myself with things I lready owned. Well the result was.... I need to own new stuff! Honey is going to love that one after begging him to buy me everything and anything it takes to create with resin,and well 3 months later and all I've done is move the stuff from one shelf to another. oh woe is me. Middle Cub asked if I was remodeling and, I said yes, in which his reply was "what has sparked this interest?" in translation it means " oh God what is she going to make me do" that's my boy,always worrying ahead.

A few rougue threads that didn't make it in the trunk. I just love bright colors.

California Dreamin'

What a BEAUTIFUL day it is here in the OC. I should be at the beach soaking up some rays,but instead I'm here with Jax waiting for the workers to finish Super Sister's kitchen. Honey has already left Arizona to pick me up so my chances of hittin some waves are pretty non existent. My sister asked me to stay longer,but a Doctor appointment and an interview prevent me from doing so. I'm hoping to have my driving restriction lifted. I told her after the appointment I would come back. I was toying with the idea of taking the Amtrak. The particular route I would have to take is one that goes across the states and ends up in Florida. It only goes through Arizona on Thursday and Sunday,but the not so fun part is that it's arrival/departure times are at 11 p.m. Taking into consideration that the train station is an hour and a half away from home is kind of a downer and I don't know if they would let the car be parked there for a week or so. I had pondered taking the train back today,but unfortunately I also have a lifting restriction to add to the driving restriction. I could leave some things behind if need be. Seeing that I brought my Wii and laptop I'd have to leave my clothes behind because I rather be naked than leave my toys behind! I usually over pack for my trips. Over packing means sometimes I'll bring the lap top,camera and scanner or depending what art medium I'm into I'll bring all that along. The Cub's say that if mom can't fill the trunk somethings wrong. I fill the trunk of things that I bring back with me,not with things I leave in california. When Honey and baby Cub left Sunday they had a backseat filled with stuff to take back. My grandma had gone thru her lace/ribbon stash and gave me treasure upon treasure and then she went through her thread stash and gave me spools of gorgeous embroidery thread. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it will work with my machine. I had also bought Lola a sweater,a snowbunny jacket and a perfectly pink crate. I have no daughters,Goddaughters or nieces so my puppy love and Jax are the next best thing. Call me crazy but sometimes the fluffiness in me just has to come out. It's funny to me that I even have a "fluffy" side because I am by far a "fluffy" kinda girl. There was a point in my life that I had a mohawk and yes my hair has been blue,purple and even blonde! There is still a Punker gene left in my body and I know that the middle Cub has it. When I leave tomorrow morning,I know I am going to miss Jax. We've come a long way in a week. I will have to leave Super Sister a list of when Jax has to go out and which stick she likes to fetch best. I can't wait to see Lola and I wonder what bad habits the Cubs have shown her or let her get away with. What can I say, My life has gone to the dogs!

Thursday already?

Puppy Divas Jax and Raven




Wow! It appears that my stay is coming to an end. I can't believe I've been here 6 days. Tomorrow is my last day here. Honey will be driving back to get me since I refuse to fly (I only do it if I absolutely have to.) I will be leaving in the wee hours to go back to Arizona Saturday morning.I wanted him to pick me up Sunday,but FBR and the Super Bowl messed up those plans. I can't believe that I've lasted this long in the house without going crazy. This whole time it's pretty much been me and Jaxie bear kickin it together. My commadre came over and brought me lunch and she also brought her baby Rottwiler, Raven. We were hoping Raven and Jax would hit it off and thankfully they did. It was a peaceful play date. No puppy diva drama in this yard. So as the pups played and the workers worked, her and I sat in the recliners reclining away and watched the DIY programs,and dreamt aloud about our wishes for endless amounts of cash to do our own room re-do's. I told her that this month marked 7 years that we have lived in our house(and 9 years in Arizona) and except for the piles of clothes and crap piled here and there our room looks like it did when we moved in.BORING! I've done all kinds of art,but yet have done nothing with what should be my sanctuary. My bathroom is the same way. I have a huge garden tub that occssionally beackons,but lacks enough to lure me in. Both rooms have great potential since they are blank slates. The only thing hanging on any of the walls is a wood sign that says DREAM and has a quote from Jiminy Cricket. Even the furniture is boring. I have the dresser that my dad had as a baby,my youngest Man Cub's dresser that I refinished before he was born and a 3rd antique dresser that I refinished for Honey. I use a small table for a nightstand and Honey uses a series of boxes for his nightstand.So of course nothing matches. Very Bohemian chic don't you think? I've made a mental list of the things I'd like to do with the room. I think for Valentines I'll post a note on the fridge titled :WHAT I WANT FOR VD. Thats what we call the love holiday at my house,VD. sounds real romantic doesn't it? I will say in the note that I will gladly go away for a few days in order for Honey and the Cubs to do a room make over. All I will have to do is make a dramatic entrance, shed a tear and swoon in delight over my newly created oasis. Yea right! Like that will ever happen. Being the only female in the house does not always have it's perks. Princess Lola is my only ally and since she doesn't say much,other than the occassional squeak,she isn't much help in the cause. I can sometimes bribe my way with promises of a killer dinner,but I think it's going to take a far bigger bribe for them to re do my room to MY liking.

Jax

Super Sister & Jax


There is no place like home! In my case "home" refers to California. I used to make the trip back every few weeks when I first moved to Arizona,but as the years go by the trips were less frequent. The longest I've gone without making the trip back was a year. My sister would make the trip to us more often. Honey,Baby Man Cub and I made the trip up this weekend so that he could Golf and I could visit with my other Honey,my Grandma. I call her Honey and she calls me Sugar. For as long as I can remember she has refered to me as Sugar and only calls me by my given name when I'm in trouble,like when I haven't called her as often as I'm supposed to. We had planned on a friday-Sunday visit,but at the last minute my sister texted asking if I could stay longer. She is doing a major kitchen overhaul and someone needed to be here for deliveries and installers. Super Sister works 14 hour days and didn't have time off to accomodate all the coming and goings of the workers so she needed me to stay a week. Well, after alot of arm twisting (wink wink) I said "oh ok,just for you!" after all she is my baby sister not to mention my only sister and just my only sib period. My duties also include puppy sitting. When Super Sister adopted her 4 legged puppy from the Humane Society she Christened me Godmother and chief puppysitter of the little fur ball. When Super Sister brought Jax home for Christmas to meet us I was so happy to hear the pitter patter of 4 clumsy paws. My Super Sister doesn't have any Cubs of her own and I remind her that my aunt-O-Logical clock is kicking. Lets face it,I'm desperate for a neice or nephew.

The only difference with this stay,is I am really stuck in the house. I'm not allowed to drive yet (Doctors orders)so this is my first visit that I can't run the streets of sunny Orange County like I usually do. Without a kitchen to cook with stuffing my face has been challenging. Super Sister eats like a workaholic bachlorette,in other words lots of stuff that only requires a microwave. No offense to workoholic bachlorettes out there,but frozen pizza and canned ravioli just doesn't cut it. Lucky for me my Grandma loves me and yesterday she brought me a home cooked meal and hot coffee just like I like it. She had my Uncle bring her over and watched as I devoured her chicken mole and beans as if I hadn't eaten in forever. Today my gourmet meal has consisted of Skittles and Fritos. I was going to walk down to the market,but delivery schedule windows of course don't allow. I think I just may lose weight thos visit. Unless of course I call Grandma!

When life hands you lemons,make Lemon Drop Martinis

There are things in life, that although you know they may be somewhere in your future they are still suprises when they arrive. Having 3 Boys, Honey and I always counted on Grandchildren being in our future. What wasn't in those calculations was coming home on Saturday morning after a nice day yard-saling to find a girl whom we thought was a distant ex-girlfriend and her mom standing in our front yard. The first thing that came out of my mouth was "please don't tell me she's pregnant!" Well, either I didn't wish fast enough or loud enough,because sure enough, as soon as Honey got off the car and asked "how can we help you folks?" the beating around the bush began. So my 19 year old Man Cub was going to be a father courtesy of who we thought was his very ex girlfriend and his lack of abstinence. We went thru the range of emotions and settled on Happy,because at this point any other emotion would be useless. So I am now trying to get used to the idea of being called Grandma.

Requirements for being Chicana.

Good morning Star Shine Mother Earth says hello.
Such a beautiful morning it is out here on my little patch of dirt. It's a chilly 41 degrees,but it looks and sounds like Spring outside. Last night, I had planned on today being a creating day. A day for inspiration and magic,well for the last 2 hours I've sat in front of the monitor searching for Chicana Blogs. I could spend all day doing that. Some of them brought back memories and others made me want to ask,when did being Chicana become so complicated? The other day an old friend called to wish us a Happy New Year and to catch up on things. I can count on him to call when I need that PUSH to start writing again. This time he wanted me to meet his girlfriend over the phone,but what he didn't tell me was that she didn't speak English, and well ,despite getting A's in high school Spanish and College Spanish I can not speak Spanish. Well, in a way that's not entirely true when I have had a few drinks it all comes back to me and I can roll it out with the best of them. My grandma will sometimes talk to me in Spanish and if I don't understand her,I just smile and nod in which case she'll say to me in english "you didn't understand me didn't you?" So back to the phone call. When the girlfriend realized this conversation was going to go nowhere she handed my friend back the phone. I told him I did not speak spanish in which he replied " you can't speak spanish and you call yourself a Chicana?" I just kinda laughed and went on with the conversation. After we hung up I wondered when being able to speak spanish was a requirement in being a Chicana? I was bilingual up until I was 3 or so. I was told I stopped speaking spanish when my Great Grandmother Mama Teechee died.

In going through my Blog search for Chicana/o Blogs I saw a few headers that had Chicana Feminist in them,in which I had to pause and ask myself, has there been another requirement added in being Chicana and I missed it? As far back as I can remember I was always told I was Chicana not Latina,not Hispanic but Chicana. My earliest memory is standing on top of my Uncles Chevy thrusting my fist in the air shouting Chicano Power. I thank my Dad's siblings for this and somewhere there is a picture floating around of this rebel act. What I don't remember was ever being given the "Rules & Regulations" in being a Chicana. I looked up Feminist in the Dictionary, and granted my WEBSTERS was copyrighted in 1971 there was no definition for the word. What did catch my eye was in the meaning of Female,in which it states "of the weaker sex" and in that same sentence it also states, "more deadly than the male". So how is it that we are weaker and deadlier? The peeps over at the Webster Dictionary company really need to read 500 Years of Chicana History by Elizabeth Martinez. There they would find how weak we Chicana Females really are! Sorry for going off on that little tangent and off my title subject,but I was invoking my "feminine" right to be, again, according to Webster's "irrational and changeable". So tonight when the guys ask why I am dainty and weak one minute and irrational and changeable the next, I am going to inform them that it isn't from a lack of hormones,it's because the Dictionary said I was these things. Think they'll buy that? Just for the fun of it,I think I'll go look up their definition for "Bitch".

Princess Lola

My Princess Lolanator

Wonderful gifts

My Little Helper


Wow! I can't believe it's already January 13Th wasn't New Years day just yesterday? Time flies when you are busy creating. Santa was very very good to me,ok to all of us, this year. One of the gifts I received was an embroidery machine,which I just love Love LOVE! I wanted a machine that would allow me to do my own designs and that's just what I got. I've gone a little embroidery crazy so much so the Guys threatened to padlock their underwear drawers! Sheesh what's a Girl to do? Then I got an after New Years gift that I also just love Love LOVE! Her name is Lola or Princess Lola,or the Lolanator when she's been caught chewing the guy's stuff. I must admit I was a bit amused when She was chewing on the Man Cub #1's ugly slipper. Lola is a tiny baby. She is about 10 weeks old now. When we got her she fit in the palm of my hand. I know she is at least part Chihuahua,but I think she's mixed with something else. She's a Mestiza! She loves to be held and carried and after a long nap she loves to play,which isn't always a good thing at 2 am! One thing I love about her size is I can put her on my cutting table when I'm working on something. It's true what they say about good things coming in small packages. Since I don't have any daughters,or nieces,well, I do have a puppy niece that my sister adopted. She bestowed the title of puppy Godmother on me. My sister and Jax (Jaxie bear) came up for Christmas and being that I'm her Nina (spanish for Godmother) I whipped her up a blanket,pillow and cushy bedding for her long trip back to California. My Godpuppy was going home in style! I was tying the last knot at 11:59 p.m. and wrapping her gifts up for her to open at midnight. My Guys thought I was nuts,but hey puppies need presents too.

When Lola came home I made her a bed,comforter,pillow and chew toy in the prettiest of pink colors all fit for a Princess. I even embroidered her name on her comforter except it says Bella and we changed her name to Lola a few days later. She must know this because I often catch her trying to chew it off. Man cub #3 says "mom do you want another baby or something?" I said not just No,but hell No. This Chica is way beyond the birthing babies stage. Love babies, love them even more when they go home. Honeybear often wonders what I will be like when we start getting Grandkids. I tell him the key is knowing when to send them home! I hope everyone had a wonderfully blessed holiday as much as I did.